Walk A Mile In My Shoes
by MakoHeadrush
Summary: Reno and Rude have been Turks together for years. One day Reno crosses a line with his teasing, and Rude loses his temper. Something strange happens where the two end up with a better understanding of each other-is it enough to fix their friendship?
1. Chapter 1

**Summary: Reno and Rude have been friends and fellow Turks together for years. Until one day, Reno crosses a line with his teasing, and Rude reaches a breaking point. Something happens where the two end up with a much greater understanding of each other, but is it enough to help repair a damaged friendship? **

**Romantic pairings of Cloud/Reno, Vincent/Rude, but the main pairing is based around Reno and Rude's relationship. Loosely based upon the movie, "Freaky Friday." **

**Usual disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy, Square Enix does. This is written for fun, not profit.**

**Rated M for language, lemons, and Reno!**

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><p><em>If I could be you, if you could be me<em>  
><em>For just one hour, if we could find a way<em>  
><em>To get inside each other's mind<em>  
><em>If you could see you through my eyes<em>  
><em>Instead your own ego I believe you'd be<em>  
><em>I believe you'd be surprised to see<em>  
><em>That you've been blind<em>

**"Walk a Mile In My Shoes" - Elvis Presley**

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><p>It was well known throughout Shinra, Inc. that Reno was a most horrible gossip when it came to the dating lives of his friends and co-workers. Tseng had perfected the withering glare at his second in command, any time the redhead's line of questioning became a little <em>too<em> personal. Elena would sigh dramatically, roll her eyes and bark, "Shut up, Reno!" or "None of your damned business!" any time Reno would quiz her about who she liked.

Rude, who was pretty much a confirmed bachelor, would generally snort in amusement and ignore Reno, giving him the usual silent treatment that seemed part of the man's very nature. Until one morning when Reno came into the Turks' office, eyes blazing with excitement as he pounced upon Rude.

"Partner," he said in a needling tone. Reno sat on the edge of Rude's desk, his coffee mug clutched tightly in his hand. "So...care to tell everyone what you did last night?"

Rude felt a drop of sweat forming at the nape of his neck. _He knows. How the hell does he know? _Rude grunted at Reno, and glared at him with what he hoped was a blank expression. "No idea what you're talking about, Reno."

"Oh, but I think you _do_, partner!" Reno pressed. "Cloud and I were out last night, yo. We _saw_ you. Making kissy-face with Count Vlad."

"Don't fucking call him that," Rude barked angrily, surprising both Reno and Elena, who by now was blatantly eavesdropping on the conversation.

"Aha!" Reno crowed triumphantly, grinning. "So you're not denying that you and Vincent Valentine were playing hide-the-sausage in the alley outside Seventh Heaven - "

Reno's sentence was cut off when Rude's fist connected with his jaw; the force of the hit caused Reno to drop his coffee mug, which spilled down the front of his pants before falling to the floor, where it smashed into several large shards.

"The fuck was that for!" Reno snapped, glaring at Rude as he rubbed his jaw.

"Once in a while, Reno," Rude said stonily, "would it kill you think a bit, before you speak?"

"Gods, Rude!" Reno replied irritably. "Would it kill _you_ to not fucking deck me like that?"

"That's the first time I've decked you...well, in a long time, anyway. And you're missing the point, Reno," Rude said quietly, frowning. "As always." He turned to leave, and paused at the door, glancing back at Elena and Reno, who were standing there dumbfounded. "You know, Reno," Rude said in parting. "Maybe just once, it wouldn't kill you to put yourself in someone else's shoes. When Tseng gets back, tell him I'm taking the rest of today off." With that, he turned and left.

Reno stood there, stunned into speechlessness. He grabbed a heavy paperweight from Rude's desk and hurled it at the shut door, leaving a dent.

"Calm the hell down, Reno!" Elena snapped, trying her best to diffuse the situation. She had to admit, though, she'd never seen Rude react so strongly to Reno's wiseassery.

"What do you mean, calm down!" Reno said hysterically. "My partner just fucking decked me - and left! How am I supposed to calm down!"

"You know," Elena said, in a scolding tone. "If you thought you saw Rude and Vincent together like that...you could have, oh, I don't know - maybe not called Vincent names and insulted him to Rude!"

Reno eyed Elena wearily and sighed. "Elena, I didn't just _think_ I saw them together 'like that' - Cloud and I both saw them making out! Groping each other, really. And besides, I've called Vincent worse to his _face_, and he just shrugs it off! Why couldn't Rude do the same?"

"Apparently Rude's feeling a little...overprotective, I guess," Elena mused. "Not that Vincent Valentine needs anyone's protection," she added quickly.

"No, he doesn't," Reno agreed. "I need some more coffee, damn it," he muttered. "Fucking Rude, making me drop my mug."

"You know, maybe you should apologize to him later," Elena suggested helpfully. "After the both of you have cooled down, of course."

"The hell I will," Reno spat angrily as he poured himself a fresh mug of coffee. "I ain't apologizing for nothing. He's the one who hit me. He should be walking a mile in my shoes, and not the other way around." Reno continued to sulk as he sipped his coffee; Elena could practically feel the waves of anger still pouring off of the man, and wisely decided to end the conversation where it was.

"Guess we've got an assignment here," Elena muttered, showing Reno a piece of paper. "Here's Tseng's request."

Reno nodded, and gulped down the rest of his coffee as he took the page from Elena, and quickly scanned it. "Good," he murmured. Getting back out in the field would be a good distraction for Reno, even if he wasn't with his usual partner. Reno didn't mind working with the 'rookie', as he used to call Elena, when she was brand new to the Turks. "Let's gear up and go, Elena. The sooner we go, the sooner we get back."

"Hot date tonight?" Elena asked with a grin, as she and Reno both checked their weapons. Reno gave Elena a sideways smirk. "Yeah, well..." he began, before his face erupted into a full-on smile. "Just dinner with Cloud."

"Just dinner, huh?" Elena remarked, a raised eyebrow punctuating her sentence. "Seems like things are getting serious? You were with him last night too, you said."

"Yeah, well," Reno said, coughing into his hand as he locked up the office behind him. He blushed under Elena's inquisitive gaze, and blushed slightly. "He's kind of...moved into my place."

"He's what!" Elena shrieked, launching herself at Reno, hugging him tightly. "Oh my gods, that is fantastic! Reno's finally settling down! I'm so happy for you!"

"_Shut up, Elena_!" Reno hissed. They were standing in the corridor, waiting on an elevator, and Elena's cries had caused more than one Shinra employee to turn their head and stare. "And...thank you," he said gratefully, smiling. "I'm really happy with him."

"That's awesome," Elena replied, beaming. "You know, I wish Cloud had a brother. One who's not gay, that is." She giggled at her own joke.

Reno laughed out loud. "Yeah, well...you'll find someone someday, Laney," he said kindly. "Might even be someone you can't stand at first...like me and Cloud."

"Maybe," Elena agreed. "You know, I still can't imagine Rude and Vincent dating!" She quickly clapped her hand over her mouth as she caught Reno glaring at her. "Oops...sorry I brought that up."

Reno sighed as the entered the elevator. "Yeah, I'd really just like to forget about that blowup with Rude, Elena...if you don't mind," the Turk muttered. "Hopefully everything will be back to normal with me and Rude by tomorrow. Like nothing ever happened."

"Hope so!" Elena chirped in agreement. The elevator reached the ground floor, and both Turks got out, now in mission-mode.

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><p>The mission turned out to be simple and straightforward, but physically taxing, as Reno and Elena needed to do quite a bit of 'convincing' get their suspect to talk. After the man had been beaten and bloodied, the two Turks took him into custody, and brought the man back to the holding cells at Headquarters before heading back to the Turks' office. "I'll do my report in the morning," Reno told Elena, as he washed the blood off of his hands at the nearby sink. "Getting late."<p>

"Yeah, I'll do the same," Elena said, agreeing. "You go ahead, I'll tell Tseng. I think he's in his office. Don't want to keep Cloud waiting, now!"

"Thanks, Laney," Reno said gratefully, kissing her chastely on the cheek. "You're a good fucking Turk, you know? Thanks."

"Glad you think so, Reno," Elena replied, grinning. "And thanks for finally dropping the 'rookie' bullshit."

"Of course!" Reno replied, waving to Elena as he left. "Bye, Laney."

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><p>Reno shoved his hands in his pockets as he rode the elevator down to the ground floor, and began the short walk from Headquarters back to his apartment, where he knew Cloud would be waiting for him. A smile lit his face as he imagined Cloud greeting him at the door, sans clothing...<p>

_Six months_, Reno thought happily. _Six months that Cloud and I have been together. _It seemed the most unlikely partnership, if Reno really thought long and hard about it; here were two former enemies, who had tried to kill each other multiple times; yet, somehow, they'd been able to put that behind them.

Opening the door to his apartment, Reno frowned as he thought back to the earlier exchange between himself and Rude. He was beginning to feel a bit guilty for his teasing remarks regarding Vincent. _Rude was right_, he thought. _If anyone teased me like that, about Cloud...hell, I'd want to deck him, too_. Reno sighed, then grinned as he saw Cloud bustling about the kitchen, apparently preoccupied with preparing their dinner.

"Hey," Reno called softly to Cloud, who was bent over the open oven door, checking on something. "Smells delicious. What'd ya make?"

Cloud stood up and shut the oven door, and turned to face Reno, smiling. "Lasagna," he replied, greeting the Turk with a passionate kiss. "Mmm. Missed you."

"Missed you too," Reno replied, sighing, as he sank his face into Cloud's neck - falling into him, really. "Been a hell of a day."

"We'll talk about it over dinner," Cloud said, kissing Reno again. "By the way...I moved the rest of my stuff in today."

Reno regarded Cloud with a smile. "Really? I would have helped you with that, you know," he said.

Cloud chuckled as he grabbed two beers out of the refrigerator, handing one to Reno. "Reno. I really didn't have much left. Just my laptop and a few other things. Really, it's okay. So...what's on your mind? Bad day?"

"You could say that," Reno muttered, swigging his beer. He belched upon swallowing. "Rude and I...had a disagreement. He kind of punched me, and stormed out of the Turks' office."

Cloud frowned at this, and reached out to touch the bruise on Reno's jaw. "Is this where he hit you? I noticed that...just assumed it happened out on a field assignment. I wouldn't think your partner would do that to you."

"I deserved it," Reno admitted guiltily. "I...kind of teased him about Vincent. Maybe I went too far."

"Well, hopefully he'll forgive you," Cloud said hopefully. "I mean, how long have you guys been friends, and partners?"

"Too long for me to even remember, yo," Reno said. The oven timer went off, and Reno glanced over at Cloud, who had already started heading to the kitchen.

"Dinner's ready," Cloud declared, taking the dish out of the oven and setting it on a cooling rack, while Reno went to the cabinet to fetch dinner plates and cutlery for the table.

* * *

><p>"That was phenomenal, Cloud," Reno declared, after consuming his third piece of lasagna. "Man. How'd I get so lucky? Not only are you sexy as hell," he purred, pulling the blond into his lap, "but you can fucking <em>cook<em>, too."

"Mmm," Cloud murmured. "I'm lucky too, you know."

"Really, now," Reno said softly, nibbling Cloud's ear. "How's that."

"I'm lucky," Cloud said huskily, rising to his feet and pulling Reno with him, "because of what you're about to do to me in bed."

"Oh," Reno replied, grinning. "_That_." He and Cloud practically raced each other to the bedroom, falling onto the bed as they pounced upon each other. Clothes were quickly shed, as Cloud pulled Reno down on top of him, his face flushed, and his arousal poking Reno in the hip.

"Inside me," Cloud pleaded, nipping on Reno's shoulder - he knew enough by now, just in the six short months they'd been together, that the redheaded Turk liked a bit of pain to accompany his pleasure.

"Fuck," Reno groaned, as he slid himself inside of Cloud, feeling as if he might come immediately, surrounded in tight heat as he was. He moved in and out of Cloud, trying to hold off from his orgasm in an attempt to make it last as long as possible. He shut his eyes tightly as he thrust in, and out; as he looked down, he felt something inside him come undone as he saw Cloud touching himself, moaning loudly with his head thrown back and his slack mouth hanging open.

"Reno," Cloud whispered hoarsely, as he rose to meet Reno's thrusts. "Oh, Reno, come with me - " he muttered as he came, hot and sticky in his clenched fist. Reno placed his hands on Cloud's hips and bucked even harder, grunting as he felt himself release. He reluctantly withdrew from Cloud and collapsed on top of him, sweaty and exhausted...but entirely satisfied.

"That," Reno gasped, kissing Cloud's sweat-soaked forehead, "was the best. I love you."

"I love you too," Cloud murmured drowsily. "I...am completely spent now. Exhausted."

"Me too," Reno whispered. "Guess I'll sleep well tonight." Within moments, the two were curled into each other, still naked, as they drifted off into a pleasant haze of sleep.

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><p>Reno did sleep soundly, but tossed and turned a few times during the night when he was having strange dreams. When dawn broke, he still felt exhausted, but could not recall the troubling dreams that had interrupted his sleep.<p>

So tired, he thought, turning over. He reached out a hand for Cloud, expecting his fingers to come in contact with the familiar blond spiked head he knew resided on the pillow next to him. Reno frowned, as he grabbed a handful of hair, but it was long, and smooth - like silk. He slowly opened his eyes, and saw a pair of wine-colored ones staring back at him.

Reno froze, his heart in his throat. _Vincent fucking Valentine?_ he thought, trying to will himself awake. _This has to be a dream, he reasoned. I'm still asleep. That's it. That's gotta be it. _He rubbed his eyes hard, as if trying to rub the image of Vincent out, and rub the image of Cloud back in.

Nothing changed. "What the fuck just happened?" Reno demanded, his heart racing. "Where's Cloud?"

Vincent smirked, still staring at Reno. "What happened?" he repeated quietly, his eyes dancing with mischief. "Well, to start, we made love. And what's this about Cloud? Were you expecting him over here for some reason?"

"Vincent Valentine!" Reno bellowed, bolting upright in the bed. "What in the blue hell are you doing here?"

"I _live_ here," Vincent replied dryly. "Rude, you are acting very strangely," he continued, concerned. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm not..." Reno began. _I'm not Rude! _he wanted to shout. Yet...

_Yet. _Reno looked down at his hands, his body. They were...Rude's hands. Strong, and powerful, capable of crushing a man's windpipe with little effort.

"Sorry," Reno murmured apologetically. "Bad dream. Gotta pee." He got out of the bed quickly, not knowing where he was going. "Uh...bathroom?" he asked Vincent, who was looking more concerned by the minute.

"It's the same place it was last night, Rude," Vincent replied, pointing a finger at the door opposite the bed. "Right over there. Are you ill? You're not acting like yourself at all."

_No shit, Dracula!_ Reno wanted to yell, but wisely kept the barb to himself. "Yeah. I'm not feeling like myself today," he muttered, laughing at the absurd truth behind his reply.

He went into the bathroom and quickly closed the door, and looked in the mirror. "Holy shit," he whispered, touching a hand to his bald head - Rude's bald head. "If I'm him, does that mean - he's me?" Reno hesitantly touched the waistband of Rude's underwear. "I really gotta pee," he muttered. "This feels...kind of weird. I gotta touch Rude's dick now?"

Reno decided that he would shut his eyes tightly, and go about his business that way, without looking. He reached into his underwear- Rude's underwear, and withdrew his member, emptying his bladder. As he felt Rude's girth fill his hand, Reno's eyes flew open - he couldn't help but look.

Rude, as it turned out, was endowed. _Massively_ endowed. Reno was just able to wrap his hand around the widest part of the cock, which by now was beginning to stiffen, the more attention Reno paid to it.

_No, I shouldn't...do this...it's like I'm jerking off Rude! _Reno told himself. "Gods damn it, it feels good though," he muttered, as he stroked himself up and down, moaning. "I have got...to get myself...one of these..." he whispered, panting.

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><p><strong>AN: Reno is a dirty, dirty bastard. But we knew that, right? :) Thanks to wwgost for dialogue help with Reno's last line. **

**Next chapter: Rude has a...well, a _rude_ awakening himself, and an interesting chat with Cloud over breakfast.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Note: Okay...it's hard enough to keep straight while writing, never mind READING. But just keep in mind (for this chapter, anyway), that when I write something with Reno talking or thinking - it's Reno, but in Rude's body, and vice versa if Rude is speaking/thinking, he's doing so while in Reno's body.**

**I know that's probably common sense, but I just wanted to add that, before I fry my own brain any further while writing this. :)**

**Warnings for this chapter: Language and lemons**

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><p>Rude felt as if he was enveloped in warmth, and floating on air. It was a strange dream he'd been having, although he could not remember any specifics. He recalled, in his current stupor, a sensation of being pulled in opposing directions; almost as if he was being drawn and quartered, although it was more of a gentle tugging he felt.<p>

"Mmm," he groaned, shifting on the bed. He felt a weight settle in between his legs, and then, the blessed, wet warmth of a mouth on his cock. "_Oh yeah, that's it_," Rude murmured in a whisper. The Turk leaned back into the pillows, eyes still shut, as he stretched his arms languorously over his head. _Vincent's getting good at this_, he thought, a grin on his slack-jawed face. _Nice way to wake me up in the morning, I've got to hand it to him._ Rude groaned, leaning back against the pillows, as he felt the skilled tongue and mouth working on him. He felt a hand wrap itself around his shaft, stroking gently to start, then harder, a bit more forceful.

Rude groaned again, slowly thrusting his pelvis up into that wonderful warmth. The slow, torturous stroking and sucking continued as the wave of Rude's orgasm hit him suddenly. "Gonna come," he muttered in warning; he felt his body tense, then the warm, pleasurable release as he came. He felt the mouth around him lapping at his cock, sucking him dry.

"How was that?" came a strange-sounding voice from between his legs. _Huh. Sounds like Vin has a cold or something_, Rude thought absently. He opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling, still coming down from his orgasmic high. He closed his eyes again, smiling as he thought of just how he'd like to return the favor to Vincent.

Suddenly, Rude felt something moving in between his legs, poking him in the thigh; something spikey that tickled him. "Vin..." he murmured in a whisper, slowly opening his eyes. His mouth hung open, shocked at the sight before him; there, nestled between his spread thighs, was a head full of blond, spiked hair.

_Cloud? What the fuck! _Rude thought, in a panic. _What the hell happened? Shit, I know I had a few beers last night...but the last thing I remember, was Vincent and I were in bed, he was riding me...what in the hell is going on here! Did I...did I just have a one-night stand with Cloud, that I don't remember? Reno's going to fucking **kill** me! So will Vincent! Shit!_

"Stop," Rude grunted, sitting up quickly in the bed - Reno's bed. "Cloud...just...please, get off of me!"

Cloud sat back in a kneeling position, frowning in puzzlement. "Reno, what's wrong with you? You always like it when I wake you up like this - "

"I am _not_ Reno!" Rude snapped, swinging his legs over the side of the bed; long, lanky legs, lacking the heavy muscle of his own. Rude looked up and saw soft red bangs hanging over his eyes; his hand reached behind his head and pulled on a long length of red hair, tied loosely in a ponytail. "No," he whispered. "I have _hair_? No...how can this be happening!"

"Reno, what in the hell is wrong with you?" Cloud said irritably. "Of course you have hair. Are you sick?"

"Yeah, that's it," Rude murmured, hastily getting up from the bed, stumbling a bit as he attempted to get to his feet on Reno's spindly legs. "I...must be coming down with something." _Where the hell is Reno's bathroom_? Rude thought frantically, trying to remember its location from the last time he'd visited Reno at his apartment. _I think it's on the right, off the hallway... _

With a sigh of relief, Rude finally located the bathroom, and quickly shut the door behind him. He stared uncomprehendingly at his reflection in the mirror. It was Reno who stared back at him. "No...how in the hell is this possible?" Rude murmured, touching his hand to his face, tracing Reno's facial tattoos with his fingers. "Gods...if I'm him...is he...me?" _I need to get to Vincent, right away_, he thought decisively. _And Reno...I need to talk to Reno..._

A soft knock came at the bathroom door, and it opened before Rude could even reply. _Shit. Should have locked it._ Still staring in the mirror, he saw Cloud come up behind him - behind Reno? - and the blond gently wrapped his arms around his torso. "Reno, are you okay?" Cloud asked, kissing his shoulder. Rude froze, cringing at the intimate touch. "You're acting so strangely. Now, I have never known you to object to your morning blowjob, so you _must_ be sick," Cloud said teasingly, grinning.

Rude coughed, and tried to force a smile. "Yeah," he replied. "Something...is a bit off with me today." _There's a hell of an understatement._ "Maybe...I need some coffee and breakfast. After I shower."

_Wait a minute! _Rude thought, realization suddenly hitting him. _If...Reno is in my body...what if...he and Vincent...oh gods. Cloud just gave me a blowjob. And...and...gods damn it, I liked it! _He felt the bile rising in his throat; it felt to Rude as if he were cheating on Vincent, but was he really? _After all, right now...I'm "Reno", not Rude, _he reasoned._ Technically, that is. But...but...but...I am still me, on the inside at least! Oh gods, I'm confused... _Rude swallowed down a wave a nausea; the more he analyzed this insane situation, the more he began to feel sick to his stomach.

Rude looked up and glanced at Cloud again, suddenly seeming to realize the other man's lack of clothing. Rude swallowed hard, as he lowered his gaze, and eyed Cloud's semi-erect penis, which was growing harder by the second. Cloud saw exactly where the Turk was staring, and grinned. "Gods, Reno, you are such a horndog. Not that I'm complaining. So...do you want some company in the shower?"

"No!" Rude blurted in reply, causing Cloud to look at him strangely. " I mean, uh...I'm uh...tired," he muttered, fumbling for excuses.

"Well, that's hardly fair," Cloud complained, pouting. "I got so hard from blowing you, Reno...and now I've got this, um...problem, to address. Hmm. I know. Maybe...you can just watch me. _Ohh_." Cloud let out a soft moan as he began jerking himself off, his back leaning against the cold tile of the bathroom wall.

_No! _Rude's brain screamed, but he felt frozen to the spot, unable to avert his eyes as he watched Cloud pleasure himself. _Damn it, I'm getting hard again! _"I really need to take a shower," he murmured. "A _cold_ one."

"I know you love to watch me do this, Reno," Cloud panted, his breathing coming in short gasps as he stroked himself. "You can help me," he ordered, grabbing Rude's hand, and placing it on top of his own. "Make me come, babe."

"What are you doing!" Rude exclaimed, his eyes wide. "What is _wrong_ with you, Cloud?"

Cloud frowned at Rude, shaking his head. "What the hell is wrong with _you_, Reno? You love it when I touch myself..."

"I think I'm going to be sick," Rude muttered, rushing over to the toilet as he vomited forcefully into it.

"Oh, man," Cloud murmured sympathetically. "You really _are_ sick, aren't you. I'm sorry. Maybe you should call out of work. I'll make you some toast."

Rude shook his head. "No," he muttered. "It must be something I ate. I need to go to the office today, not calling out. Gotta talk to Re-I mean, I've gotta talk to Rude."

"That's good," Cloud replied, smiling. "So you're going to apologize to him after all? I know you felt guilty about those things you said...hopefully Rude will forgive you."

Rude couldn't help but grin at this revelation. _Reno actually feels guilty about everything he said? Well...good. He should. _

"I'm..." Rude faltered, searching for some plausible sort of explanation. "Still feeling kind of ill, I guess. I really need to shower."

Cloud nodded, kissing Rude on the cheek. "I'm sorry," he murmured apologetically. "I shouldn't have pushed you like that, I didn't know your stomach was bothering you. I guess was just...horny." He sighed, then grinned. "Guess I've been hanging out with you too long, Reno...your habits are rubbing off on me."

Rude smiled, and forced himself to give Cloud a gentle hug. _It's not Cloud's fault...he has no idea what's going on. Hell, neither do I, for that matter._ "It's okay. I'm sure I'll be fine after my shower." Cloud nodded, seemingly satisfied with this explanation, and exited the bathroom.

* * *

><p>"Rude?" Reno heard Vincent calling through the bathroom door. "Everything okay?" He froze; hand still wrapped around his shaft, pumping it. <em>Technically<em>, _I'm touching Rude's dick_, Reno kept telling himself. He vacillated between horrified guilt, and fascination over what was happening, along with sheer horniness.

"Uh, doing fine in here, Cl-Vincent," Reno muttered, panting. "Doing...just...fine."

"Rude, are you jerking off in there?" Vincent asked, in an accusatory tone.

"No!" Reno replied immediately. "I mean, uh..."

"You know that's _my_ job," Vincent replied, as the bathroom door swung open. _Why do I never remember to lock the fucking door? _Reno thought irritably. "Allow me," Vincent murmured, his lips closing upon Reno's, as his hand snaked downward, stroking Reno's engorged member.

"Holy shit, yo," Reno muttered, then froze, as Vincent glared at him, then smirked.

"Now I know you've been hanging around Reno too much," Vincent remarked, chuckling. "You're picking up his lingo."

Reno laughed nervously. "Apparently so. Shit!" he hissed, as Vincent began stroking him faster.

"Rude," he said breathily, pressing his body against the Turk's. "Turn around...hands against the wall."

_No fucking way_, Reno thought, horrified, yet unmistakably turned on. He swallowed, but obediently complied with Vincent's command, turning around, and placed his hands on the tiled wall of the bathroom.

"Spread 'em," Vincent whispered hotly in Reno's ear. _No! _Reno told himself. _No, I should NOT be doing this, he thinks I'm Rude...this isn't right...I need to stop Vincent, need to tell him no._

_...any second now, I'm going to say no...oh, gods!_

"Ahh," Reno cried out, upon feeling the cold sliminess of the lube as it was applied to his entrance, followed by the insertion of one of Vincent's fingers, then two; then three. He thrust himself back upon Vincent's hand, bucking and groaning as he felt long fingers brushing his prostate.

"Uh..." Reno moaned. "Uh...Vincent, please..." _Please stop...no, don't stop...please don't stop..._

"I love it when you beg, Rude," Vincent growled. Reno felt the fingers withdraw with a pop, and he then felt Vincent enter him slowly. The ex-Turk placed his hands on Reno's hips as he began to thrust in and out.

_Rude, forgive me! I couldn't say no!_ Reno thought desperately, as he moaned and writhed under Vincent's touch. "Harder," he grunted. "Fucking harder, yo!" _Shit. Just slipped out._

"Very funny, Rude. You...need...to…stop…talking…like…that," Vincent muttered between thrusts. "Oh Gaia..."

_I can't do this, I can't do this!_ Reno thought frantically, guilt washing over him. _This is…it's like cheating on Cloud! _

Reno felt Vincent tensing within him, and he realized the man was about to reach his peak – inside of him_. I can't let him finish, gods…it…feels so good, but….so wrong!_

"Vincent, please, I feel – " Reno paused, searching his brain for what he hoped was a plausible excuse. "I feel dizzy, I just can't – "

He heard Vincent sigh in disappointment, then nod, as he slowly withdrew. Slender fingers stroked the side of Reno's face – Rude's face. "I'm sorry," Vincent murmured. "I hadn't realized you weren't feeling well, you should have said something."

"It's okay," Reno mumbled in reply. "I just, uh...don't feel like myself today." _Ha! No shit_, Reno thought sarcastically. "I just need a shower to clear my head, I think."

"You going into work?" Vincent inquired, reaching behind Reno for his silk robe, which was hanging on a hook behind his head. Reno watched Vincent, open-mouthed, as the ex-Turk put the garment on, scooping his long, black hair over the collar, then flipping it back over his head. As Vincent looked up, he caught Reno staring at him. "What?"

"You...you look, ah..." Reno began. _Shit. Vincent Valentine is fucking hot. I never really...took a good look at him, I guess. Well done, Rude!_

"You look good in that robe," Reno finished, feeling more awkward by the minute, the more he spoke.

Vincent flashed a rarely-seen smile at Reno. "Thanks," he murmured, kissing Reno lightly on the lips. "I know it's one of your favorites, Rude. Perhaps, if you're feeling a bit better after your shower...you can take it off of me," he said, giving Reno a sly look.

Fear gripped Reno by the bowels, and he almost felt like wretching. "Yeah, uh...maybe," Reno muttered, desperately wishing that Vincent would just leave the bathroom so he could shower. Apparently satisfied with that answer, Vincent nodded, and exited the bathroom. "I'll put on a pot of coffee."

"Sounds good," Reno murmured as he shut the door behind Vincent. He ran his hands frantically through his hair - before remembering that Rude had no hair, his fingers simply traveled over the smooth, hairless scalp. "Well, I guess Rude saves money on conditioner," Reno said to himself, smirking as he stepped under the showerhead and turned on the shower. "Man. Speaking of that, I hope Rude doesn't fuck my hair up by not using enough conditioner. If I end up back in my body with a head full of snarls, I will _not_ be happy."

While Reno showered, Vincent made his way down to the kitchen and put on a pot of coffee, and began making breakfast. Rude's cell phone, which he'd left on the kitchen counter, suddenly vibrated, indicating a text message. Vincent grabbed the phone, wanting to move it away from where he was preparing food. He didn't really intend to look at the incoming text, but it was on the display at he picked up the phone, so he read it.

_Reno, we need to talk_, the message said. _I'm not sure how this happened, but we need to talk about it. See you today at work._

"That's peculiar," Vincent said to himself, as he placed Rude's cell phone to the side. "Why is Reno addressing Rude...as himself? Betting he's hungover or something," he mused with a smirk.

* * *

><p>Tseng couldn't remember the last time it had happened - or, really, if it had ever happened - but nobody was more surprised than he, when he saw that both Reno and Rude were in the office earlier than he was. And, earlier than Elena, who hadn't arrived yet.<p>

"Surely I am hallucinating," Tseng said dryly, as he walked into the Turks' office. "Not that it isn't refreshing to see you both clock in before my - you in particular, Reno - but please, do tell me what is the occasion for this early arrival?"

"Should we tell him?" Reno murmured to Rude, who nodded silently.

"Yeah," Rude replied, sighing. "We should tell him."

"Tell me _what_?" Tseng cut in irritably. "Whatever it is, spit it out. We have a busy day ahead of us, gentlemen - I don't have time to screw around."

"Well, trust me, sir," Reno began. "We're not happy about this either. Now, I don't know how this happened...but somehow, Rude is me, and I'm him. That is to say...we've switched bodies. And not voluntarily, either!"

Tseng narrowed his eyes and glared at Reno - or, who he thought to be Reno, but it was, of course, actually Rude. "Now, look, Reno. Did you put Rude up to this? I can't imagine you playing along with something so juvenile - "

"I'm Rude, sir," he replied. "And this is no joke. When I woke up this morning, I - " Rude hesitated, blushing slightly as he remembed just how he'd been woken up by Cloud - "I realized that I was somehow in Reno's body."

"Yeah, same for me," Reno said, nodding. "And, partner? That was a dumbass move, sending that text to your cell phone, calling yourself Reno, for Gaia's sake. I had to do some explaining to Vincent - "

"Wait a second,' Tseng said tiredly. As much as he didn't want to face the possibility that this was not one of Reno's practical jokes, he was starting to believe that it wasn't the case. "Back up. Tell me everything. And what does Vincent have to do with this?"

"I've been seeing Vincent for a while now," Rude said quietly.

"Wait a minute," Tseng said, rubbing his forehead with his index finger. "Reno, I thought you were dating Cloud?"

"He _is_ dating Cloud!" Rude replied irritably. "Actually, they live together now!" he blurted to a very surprised Tseng.

"Well, nice of you to announce that to the world, partner," Reno said, smirking. He adjusted Rude's ever-present sunglasses over his eyes, and sighed. "Look, sir," he continued, addressing Tseng. "Like Rude said, this is no joke. I'm stuck in his body, and he's stuck in mine. I need to get back to where I belong, yo!"

"Okay," Tseng replied, exhaling a breath. "I...think I believe you. Forgive me for my initial confusion, but this is not...something you see every day." He tried to hide a smirk as he looked at his watch. "Where the hell is Elena?"

As if on cue, Elena entered the office at that moment, with a tray of coffees. "Hi guys!" she greeted everyone cheerily. "What's going on?"

"Bless you for having the foresight to get coffee for everyone, Elena," Tseng murmured gratefully, as he took a beverage cup. "As for what's going on...grab a chair. Our field assignments for today will apparently have to wait, until we resolve this little...dilemma, that Reno and Rude seem to be having."

"Little bit more than a fucking dilemma, yo," Reno muttered.

"Rude?" Elena said, looking at Reno blankly. "Why are you talking like Reno? What's going on?"

"Sit down," Rude grunted at Elena. "We were just explaining to Tseng, what happened." The four Turks grabbed chairs and arranged them in a circle, as they discussed the situation. Elena's eyes widened as both Reno and Rude explained the body-switching phenomenon, and how they'd come to realize what had happened upon waking up earlier that morning.

"Oh my gods, guys!" Elena exclaimed in disbelief, as she sipped on her coffee. "So...what did Cloud say?" she asked. "You told him you weren't Reno, right Rude?" she pressed, addressing "Reno."

"Uh...not exactly," Rude admitted. "It was awkward enough as it was, with Cloud walking around naked - " Rude cut himself off as he saw Reno flinch. "Sorry, Reno."

"That's okay, man," Reno said quietly. He frowned, as he began to wonder if Cloud had done anything to Rude, knowing how much the man enjoyed his 'special wake-up call' for his redheaded Turk. _I don't even want to think about it_, Reno thought firmly. _I don't want to know, and I am sure Rude doesn't want to know anything Vincent and I might have done, either._

_Shit!_ Reno suddenly realized, frantic. _They **will** eventually talk to each other...oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck...they're going to kill me. First Rude, then Vincent, then Cloud...they're all going to kill me. I am a dead man. _He caught Rude's uncomfortable gaze, and realized his partner looked just as guilty as he felt himself.

_Hmm_, Reno mused. _Maybe...maybe I'm worrying too much. I need to talk to Rude...alone._

"Hey," Reno said, addressing Tseng and Elena. "I need a moment alone...to talk to Rude. You guys mind?"

Tseng and Elean exchanged a glance, as the director shrugged his shoulders. "Sure, not a problem. Elena? You can step into my office. I think I have an idea how this body-switch might have occurred...however, we'll need to do a little research to figure out how to correct the situation. I could use your help with that, Elena."

"Of course, sir," Elena replied, nodding. She smiled at Reno and Rude as she passed by them, following Tseng to his private office, and she shut the door.

"Ha," Reno chuckled nervously, shoving his hands in his pockets. "So, ah...Rude...I need to clear the air, here. And don't get mad...and please, _please_, don't punch me again."

"What is it now?" Rude said, trying to sound sarcastic, but feeling every bit as nervous as Reno was; he had a good idea what Reno was about to talk about.

"Ah...well, I just started thinking, when you mentioned that Cloud was naked - well, I mean, we always sleep together naked, so I assume you woke up naked, too - "

"Oh gods," Rude muttered, holding his head in his hands. "Please, Reno. Please don't ask me any questions."

"So you _did_ have sex with him!" Reno said a bit accusingly; but, much to Rude's surprise, he didn't seem angry.

"I didn't - well, not exactly - " Rude stammered. He began sweating profusely, underneath the heavy veil of Reno's hair. Absently, Rude ran his fingers throught the bangs that kept hitting him in the eye. "Damned hair," he growled. "I don't know how you can stand having so much hair, Reno - I'm sweating my ass off here."

"I hope you conditioned it properly," Reno retorted. "As for me, my head's fucking cold. I don't know how you can stand NOT having hair, yo. And the sunglasses are getting to be a bit of a drag. I feel like a vampire."

"Reno," Rude interrupted. "Vincent...well, he's very perceptive. Did he say anything to you...well, did he say anything that might indicate he knew something was different?"

"He did say a few times that I 'wasn't myself' today," Reno admitted. "Fucking understatement of the year. Oh...and I did let 'yo' slip out a few times, so...he kind of pounced on that."

"Shit," Rude muttered, sighing. "He'll figure this out before too long, I know he will. And if he and Cloud talk to each other..." Reno saw the fear flicker across Rude's eyes and suddenly _knew_. _Rude's feeling guilty about something! _Reno realized. _I bet...oh gods, I bet Cloud woke him up...in that way he does oh so well... _

Reno sighed before he went on. "Okay, partner," he said, steeling himself for the punch he was certain Rude would be throwing at him. "I know...well, I know how Cloud is, shall we say. If you and he...well, if you did anything uh...intimate...I forgive you." _And I sure as shit hope you'd forgive me too, Rude...although I am not volunteering any information unless I really have to..._

Rude sighed, rubbing his forehead. "And I know how Vincent is, so...the same goes for you, Reno. If anything happened...well, let's just not talk about it. Let's move on from here."

"So, we'll act as if...nothing ever happened," Reno muttered, suddenly grateful for the blank slate that Rude was offering him. "And even if anything _did_ happen - "

"Even if something did happen...it. Never. Happened." Rude interrupted firmly. _But damn, Reno...you are one lucky man._

"So we'll leave it at that," Reno remarked, relieved. "I just want to say one thing, though - Vincent's good to you, yo. And I'm sorry for the shit I said, Rude."

"And I'm sorry for decking you," Rude replied, smirking. "Well, glad we've got _that_ straightened out."

"Yeah," Reno agreed, clapping Rude on the back. "Glad for that. Now...hopefully we can get this other matter straightened out.

Rude frowned, and stared at Reno. "Reno? Did you ever think about the possibility...that we're stuck like this? _Forever_?"

Reno went pale, and felt an icy coldness grip him, in the pit of his stomach. "No, he whispered, his mouth suddenly going dry. "I...hadn't thought of that possibility." He felt himself begin to panic, then felt a bit angry. "Rude!" he snapped. "Don't go thinking like that. There _has_ to be a solution to this. Now, Tseng thought he knew what caused this - so maybe he'll find a way to switch us back, right?"

"Right," Rude replied dully, suddenly feeling very hopeless about the situation. They sat there, silently sipping there coffee, when Tseng's office door swung open. Both Tseng and Elena emerged, and both were smiling. Tseng was placing several documents and folders into his briefcase, which he quickly snapped shut.

"I think I've got our answer," Tseng said excitedly. "We'll need to fly out to Mideel immediately, though. Gear up and get the chopper ready, Reno. Er...Rude. Well, whomever. I'd like to depart in twenty minutes."

"On it, sir," Reno replied, grinning excitedly. "Gods, I can't wait to be back to _normal_."

This was met by a chorus of laughter from the other three Turks. "Nice. Really nice, guys," Reno muttered, rolling his eyes. "Okay, give me ten and I'll have the bird ready. Rude, you coming?"

"Wouldn't miss it for anything," Rude replied, chuckling.


	3. Chapter 3

Cloud shook his head in disbelief, as Reno scurried around their apartment like a madman, getting himself ready for the day, practically flying out the door to get to work. _And he went in early_, Cloud thought, confused. _Reno is never early for anything...but especially work. _He sighed, and pushed any nagging thoughts out of his mind as he locked up the apartment, and set out to do his deliveries for the day.

Tucking the printout of his delivery schedule into his back pocket, Cloud mounted Fenrir and drove toward the center of town, near the Shinra building. Still feeling somewhat groggy, he decided to stop off at a small cafe to get a coffee to go. Cloud found a parking spot near the front sidewalk, and cut the engine after bringing Fenrir to a complete stop. Upon entering the cafe, he entered the queue, and was surprised to see a familiar looking crimson cloak in front of him.

"Vincent?" Cloud called out, not entirely sure if it was his friend - but who else in Edge wore such a garment? His suspicions were confirmed as Vincent quickly spun around, initially glaring, then giving a small smile of recognition as he realized who was addressing him.

"Cloud," Vincent said pleasantly. "Good to see you. Surprised your shadow isn't with you, though," he added, smirking.

"You mean Reno?" Cloud replied. "Yeah, uh...well, actually, we live together now."

"Really?" Vincent said, suddenly interested. "Large espresso roast, black," he told the woman at the counter. "So," he continued, turning back to talk to Cloud. "When did this all happen?"

"Just yesterday," Cloud informed him. "I moved the last of my stuff yesterday. And weirdly enough," he added with a chuckle, "this morning, Reno was in this all-fired hurry to get to work early today. I mean...I've stayed over before, and I have never known the man to be a morning person. Or to be anything but _late_ to work."

"That is indeed strange," Vincent agreed. He turned to pay for his coffee, and murmured to Cloud as he walked back past him. "I have a bit of news as well. Meet me at the table in the corner there," he said, nodding toward it, "if you have a minute."

"Sure, Vincent," Cloud replied, stepping up to the counter to order his coffee. He could almost hear Reno cackling over his coffee order as he requested three pumps of caramel syrup, and steamed two-percent milk - just as he'd done the last time they'd been to this cafe together. "Why can't you just drink fucking _coffee_, yo?" Reno had said before, ribbing him. "You get all that foo-foo shit added to it, and it's practically dessert. Me, I like coffee-flavored coffee."

"But I _like_ it that way," Cloud had told Reno stubbornly. "So don't try to change me."

"You know I would never do that, Cloud. I love you just as you are," Reno had told him with a sudden seriousness, punctuating his declaration with a passionate kiss.

Cloud smiled, losing himself in the memory briefly. He paid for his coffee and sighed happily, feeling like the world's biggest sap for having romantic daydreams about his boyfriend while waiting in a queue, for Gaia's sake. Sipping the sweet beverage, he made his way over to where Vincent was seated, and took a seat in the chair next to him.

"Well," Vincent began, his wine-colored eyes gazing steadily at Cloud, "you're not the only one with news, Cloud. So I thought I should let you know...Rude and I...we've been seeing each other."

Cloud grinned, setting his coffee cup on the table. "I kind of suspected that, Vincent," he admitted. "Reno and I...well, we were out last night, and saw you and Rude together. I'm happy for you, man."

"Thank you, Cloud," Vincent replied with a smile. "Well...I guess not much gets past either you or Reno. You must have seen us in town, then. We were at Seventh Heaven last night."

"Yeah, it might have been around there," Cloud said, being intentionally vague in his reply. _I know damned well where it was, Vincent...you had your hand down the front of Rude's pants, and Reno would not shut up about it! _He smirked as he recalled Reno's reaction, once they got home the night before.

"The ex-Turk and the ex-mercenary, both dating Turks now," Vincent commented, with a short laugh. "Funny how things turn out."

"Yeah," Cloud agreed. "Life's like that, I guess. He gulped down the rest of his coffee, and stood up to leave. "Gotta hit the road for deliveries," he told Vincent. "Good talking with you, though." Cloud stopped, as he saw the door swing open, and four Turks entered - Reno, Rude, Elena and Tseng. None of them had spotted Cloud or Vincent, as they were conversing amongst themselves.

"I need another fucking coffee before we head to Mideel, yo," Rude was saying to Reno, as the redhead silently nodded. _What?_ Cloud thought, shaking his head, overhearing the exchange between the two Turks. _This does not compute._ "Reno?" he said, calling to him. Rude's head whipped around first as he regarded Cloud with an odd expression on his face. _I see something strange in his eyes...fear? And that's something I've never seen that before. Something weird is happening here._

"Um...hi, Cloud," Rude said quietly. Reno nudged him forward. "Talk to him, yo," he hissed under his breath. "Pretend you're me."

"Fine!" Rude hissed back at Reno. "And for the love of Gaia, stop saying 'yo' every five syllables!"

"Fuck you!" Reno muttered irritably. He caught Vincent staring at him with the utmost interest, and decided he'd best put on his best "Rude" act and attempt to talk to the man. _Shit. This is exactly what I didn't want to happen, running into those two. Damn it! We need to get our coffees and get the fuck out of here. Damn, Cloud looks good in those jeans, though... _Reno shook his head, forcing himself not to leer at Cloud's ass.

"Cloud..." Rude said, sidling over to the blond. "Uh...fancy meeting you here." _Gods! That was a dumassed thing to say, the lamest pick-up line in the world? _Rude groaned inwardly, but was pleased when he saw Cloud chuckle.

"Yeah," Cloud replied, smiling. "Just needed another coffee before I hit the road. You feeling any better, babe?"

"Um," Rude muttered, frowning. He wondered what on Gaia Cloud was talking about, when it suddenly register. Oh. That! "Yeah, my...stomach is feeling much better now, thanks." _I forgot I puked in the toilet. Hell, I'm trying to forget the entire morning_, Rude thought, as he stared at Cloud's soft, full lips. Lips that had been wrapped around his aching shaft just a few hours earlier.

_May Gaia - and Reno - forgive me for thinking it, but damn it_, Rude mused. _Cloud Strife gives a hell of a blowjob._ He cringed as his own thoughts, leaving Cloud standing there staring at him expectantly.

"So," Cloud was saying. "I'll cook dinner for us tonight, but if you're running late, just let me know, okay?"

Meanwhile, Reno was talking to Vincent, and doing his damnedest to pass as Rude. "Vincent," Reno said, hoping he sounded as grufff as Rude normally did. "What...are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same thing, Rude, although the answer is probably the same as mine - I'm here for coffee," Vincent quipped, with an amused glint in his eye.

"Oh," Reno replied dumbly. "We're, uh - off to Mideel today."

"Mideel, really?" Vincent said, sitting up in his seat. "What's going on in Mideel?"

"It's classified," Rude interrupted, sidling up beside Reno. "Here's your coffee, _Rude_," he said, smirking as he handed Reno his cup.

"Thanks, man," Reno muttered, sipping the steaming hot beverage. "Yeah, um...can't really get into details, Vincent. Sorry. Turk business..."

"As you may remember, I used to be one," Vincent remarked dryly, as he stood up. "Well, I'll see you later at home, Rude," he said, dropping his voice as he gave Reno a quick kiss on the cheek. Something was up - Vincent was sure of it, but he couldn't quite figure out what. _Perhaps I'll phone Cloud later_, he thought, glancing at the blond, who appeared to be puzzled as well_. Neither Reno nor Rude are acting quite right. _

Tseng, who was standing nearby with Elena as they drank their coffees, cleared his throat. "We really need to get going here," he reminded everyone. "The chopper's waiting."

"Yes, sir," Reno and Rude replied simultaneously. "Talk to you later, Vincent," Reno called to the former Turk, hoping he didn't sound _too_ casual.

"Cloud, I'll see you later, " Rude murmured, hastily kissing the blond before he left. Moments later, the Turks had departed as quickly as they'd arrived; leaving Cloud and Vincent standing there, confused.

Vincent noticed the odd expression on Cloud's face as they finally exited the cafe. "What's the matter, Cloud?" he asked. "Something wrong?"

"Oh, I don't know," Cloud muttered, as he sat himself on Fenrir. "It...it sounds stupid, really."

The former Turk shrugged indifferently. "Tell me," he urged.

Cloud sighed, sitting back on Fenrir. "It's just that..." he began. "When...Reno kissed me, just now. It didn't feel like it was _Reno_ who was kissing me. It felt...different. See," Cloud scoffed. "I _told_ you it was stupid."

"Hmm," Vincent murmured, thinking. "Perhaps not. I think we should talk over lunch today, Cloud," he continued. "I agree, that something is not quite right with those two. Are you free at some point today?"

"Maybe after my morning deliveries," Cloud offered, shrugging his shoulders. "Want me to call you? Now that you finally have a cell phone?" he said teasingly.

"That would be fine," Vincent replied, smiling. "Call me when you're able."

"Will do," Cloud said. He pulled his goggles on over his head, and kick-started his motorcycle. "Talk to you later!" he yelled over the roar of the engine.

Vincent waved at Cloud, then turned on his heel, heading in the other direction. _Something strange is going on_, he mused. _And I'm going to get to the bottom of it._

* * *

><p>The flight from greater Midgar to Mideel was a fairly long one by helicopter, given the island continent's southernmost location on Gaia. It seemed even longer than it actually was to Reno and Rude, who simply wanted to put an end to the insanity of trying to adapt within the others' body. The hair – or lack thereof – was still a sore point with both men. Rude was highly irritated with Reno's thatch of bangs obscuring his vision; he was constantly swiping them off of his forehead with his hand. "I swear to Gaia, I'm shaving my head."<p>

"Don't you fucking dare!" Reno had snapped at Rude, from the pilot's seat. "Besides, that's MY head, not yours. Cloud would absolutely kill me if I came home with no hair."

"Well, it's a good thing Vin doesn't know I have a damned mullet," Rude quipped. "He'd freak."

"Partner," Reno said, turning his head slowly to glare at Rude in the co-pilot's seat. "I'll thank you to not rag on the hair, yo. You fucking cueball." Rude snarled at Reno, and raised his hand as if to strike him.

"Children!" Tseng shouted from the back. He rubbed his temples with his index fingers, making small circles as he attempted to rub away the headache that was now forming. "You're acting like children," he scolded them. "Now stop it. Or I won't tell you how you can switch yourselves back."

The cigarette dangling from Reno's mouth fell out, as he quickly glanced back in disbelief at Tseng. "Ow!" he squealed, as the burning cigarette butt fell into his lap. He quickly snuffed the smoldering fag out with his bare hands. "Tseng, you wouldn't do that to us, would you?"

"You shouldn't smoke, Reno," Rude snapped, irritated over seeing Reno burn a hole in his Turk uniform pants. "It's a disgusting habit, and you know I don't smoke. I hope you didn't smoke in front of Vin—"

"Will you stop bitching!" Reno snapped. "Gods, you're like an old woman. Nag, nag, nag. Now shut up, I've gotta land this bird—"

"If you both don't shut up," Tseng warned, "I am not going to help you. Gods, you were both supposed to learn something from this, and it seems clear that you haven't." Elena was doing her damnedest to hide a snicker, and held her cup full of lukewarm coffee in front of her face, trying to hide her grin.

"What do you mean, Tseng?" Rude asked, as Reno prepared the aircraft for landing. "It sounds like you know how and why this happened…"

"I have some theories, yes," Tseng confirmed. "We'll need to talk to Aerith, of course, she's at the center of this—"

"What?" Reno muttered distractedly, as he set the helicopter down onto the ground, in a field just north of Mideel's coastal village. "What's Aerith got to do with this? And how are we going to talk to her, yo? She's…well, she's gone, sir," Reno said softly. He knew about the Turk Commander's special fondness for Aerith, and was careful not to be too harsh when talking about the deceased Cetra.

"Lifestream," Tseng said cryptically, as the Turks gathered their belongings and gear preparing to disembark. "And that's all I'm going to say for now." Reno and Rude exchanged a look, but said nothing, as they exited the chopper, and silently fell in step with Elena and Tseng, walking toward the coastal village where just a few years before, the Lifestream had swept through, nearly obliterating everything in its path.

Today, the small village had been rebuilt, though reminders of the past destruction were to be found here and there. Flattened trees where the Lifestream had rushed through; piles of debris strewn here and there; random personal effects could be found littering the landscape – remnants of the sleepy, peaceful life the villagers had once known, before that fateful day when the earthquake hit, and changed everything.

_That day changed everything for Cloud, too_, Reno mused thoughtfully, as he followed along behind the other three Turks. _Hell, if that hadn't happened…he might still be going around thinking he's Zack. And then where would we be? Probably not together_, the Turk concluded grimly. He sighed, and kicked a rock on the ground as he continued down the path toward the center of town, where the Lifestream still bubbled to the surface.

"You okay, partner?" Rude asked quietly. It was still strange, and unnerving to Rude, to be addressing his physical self as "Reno" – but in an odd way, he was also adjusting to it fairly quickly.

"I'm fine," Reno replied shortly. "Just…thinking about Cloud, and the Lifestream. He went through a lot of shit here in Mideel. You know he almost died then, right?" he asked Rude. "Mako poisoning. Like getting Mako poisoning once, wasn't enough, he got it twice. And somehow fucking lived…" Reno's voice trailed off as he lapsed into his own thoughts, recalling everything Cloud had recounted to him about his trip through the Lifestream, early in their relationship. Suddenly, Reno wanted nothing more than to be with that stoic blond, just quietly holding him. _Can't do that in this body, can I_, Reno thought despondently, as he looked down at his hands – Rude's hands, large and powerful – and fervently hoped that whatever Tseng had up his sleeve – that it would work.

"Yeah," Rude said softly. "I know." He cleared his throat and adjusted his backpack. "Look man…I'm sorry, about before."

"Me too, Rude," Reno said sheepishly. "I mean…I'm still me, on the inside, right? I know, it doesn't even make sense, but a few times I've almost…forgotten, that I'm not in my own body. And, I keep forgetting that you don't smoke, yo." He laughed sharply, as he caught Rude's gaze.

Rude nodded in understanding. "I know what you mean," he replied. "And you know…from what Tseng was saying, it sounds like we were supposed to learn something from this."

"And not argue with each other like fucking kids, I suppose," Reno finished, rolling his eyes. "Okay, then. Let's call it a truce, partner. I know this shit isn't easy on either one of us, right? And fuck, man – if Cloud and Vincent figure shit out? We'll be in a world of hurt with _that_."

Rude groaned. "Don't remind me," he muttered, wincing. His mind flashed to earlier that morning, and the memory of Cloud's soft lips and hands tenderly stroking and sucking him flashed briefly. _Gaia, I hope they don't talk to each other any more than they already have_, Rude thought. _Reno's right…if they figure out something's up, and start comparing notes…well, I don't even want to contemplate that._

Reno and Rude nearly bumped into Elena and Tseng, after the Turk Commander had come to a sudden stop in the road. "We're nearly there," Tseng said, addressing the group. "Hopefully Aerith can un-do what's done." He gave a wry smirk that did not go unnoticed by either Reno or Rude.

"What in the blue hell is going on here?" Reno snapped irritably. He blanched slightly as Tseng's ebony eyes glared at him unflinchingly. "Uh…sorry, sir. Rude and I, we just want to know what the deal is, and what's Aerith got to do with this?"

Tseng sighed, and nodded. "I'm sorry," he said quietly. "I understand…that your patience has been taxed greatly by this. And I'm grateful to you for hanging in there thus far. Just a bit further, and we'll be at the source of it all…the Lifestream." Motioning to everyone to continue, Tseng began walking again. "Just a few hundred yards to go," he advised the group. "Not much further."

"And what then?" Rude asked with a smirk. "Reno and I will jump into the Lifestream, I suppose?"

They'd finally reached what had been the epicenter of the earthquake so many years ago; the very spot where the Lifestream erupted in a huge geyser, taking Cloud and Tifa with it, as it flooded the village.

Tseng turned to Reno and Rude and nodded. "Yes," he said, rummaging in his backpack. He withdrew his hand, clutching a syringe with a large hypodermic needle at the end, while Elena did likewise.

"What – are those – what I think they are?" Reno asked, stuttering.

"Roll up your sleeves, both of you," Tseng instructed. "Yes, Reno," he said, answering his second-in-command. "Homing devices. You should barely feel this, Reno." Tseng shook his head; it still jarred him, addressing Rude as Reno.

Tseng swabbed Reno's arm – Rude's arm – with an alcohol wipe, then quickly pushed the needle into the flesh. Reno hissed as he felt cold metal enter his skin; the injection itself didn't hurt as much as it usually did, and he thought that odd, until he realized that Rude's heavily muscled arms probably didn't feel a thing whenever the man received a shot.

Rude was not so lucky, with Reno's long, thin arms. Reno's body was muscled, but it was lean muscle, unlike the bulked-up musculature of Rude. "Ow!" he snapped at Elena, as she gave him his shot. "Why…do we need these homing devices?"

"Dude, weren't you listening?" Reno said, sighing in exasperation. "The Commander wants us to jump into the fucking Lifestream," he said, rolling his eyes at Tseng. "Even though he won't tell us why…"

"I'm surprised you haven't figured this out yourself already, Reno," Tseng said, a glint of amusement showing in his dark eyes. "Given how close you are to Cloud. You do know what he went through in the Lifestream, yes? Piecing together his mind after it was…shattered?"

"I know about that, all right," Reno muttered bitterly. "What's that got to do with a full body swap like we've got here, though? This is completely different."

"Not really," countered Tseng. "Your minds have been separated from your bodies…much like Cloud's mind was separated from his own, due to the Mako poisoning he suffered at the hands of Hojo."

"Okay," Rude said, nodding. "I guess that…kind of makes sense, in a way." He frowned, and turned to Tseng. "But…how did this happen, in the first place? We weren't exposed to Mako recently…or the Lifestream…so what gives?"

"I believe Aerith started this," Tseng replied, grinning. "Little imp that she is. She wanted to teach you both a lesson."

"Aerith?" Reno and Rude said simultaneously, exchanging a glance. "How could she…do anything, yo?" Reno asked.

"You'd be surprised," Tseng said dryly. Elena took a transmitter out of her bag, and turned it on, syncing it to the homing devices injected into Reno and Rude. "Got a reading on both, sir," she said, informing Tseng.

"Good," the Wutaian replied. "Let's proceed." The group peered over the giant crater that still remained in the earth of Mideel, the Lifestream glowing and bubbling toward the surface.

"On my go, gentlemen," Tseng said, "you'll jump in."

"Jump in?" Reno echoed. "But…but...we could get Mako poisoning!"

"That is a risk, yes," Tseng agreed. "Hopefully, if that does happen, it won't be too severe…and Mako poisoning is generally treatable, you know. It's either this, or…stay as you are, I guess." Tseng tried – and failed – to hide a smirk.

"Very funny, sir," Reno muttered. "Okay then. Guess we have no choice here….ready, partner?" he asked Rude.

"Ready," Rude confirmed, nodding.

"On three," Tseng said, as he began counting. "One…two…"

"If anything happens to me, tell Cloud I love him," Reno blurted, as he jumped into the glowing depths of the Lifestream.

"…Three," Tseng concluded, and Rude followed suit, jumping after Reno, freefalling behind him. Tseng and Elena gathered together near the edge of the crater, peering down, until neither Turk was visible to them.

"Well, now what?" a wide-eyed Elena asked Tseng.

"Now," Tseng said gravely, touching Elena lightly on the shoulder, "we watch, we wait…and we pray."


	4. Chapter 4

It was strange, Reno thought, falling through the Lifestream; even stranger seeing someone else in your body, falling alongside of you. Reno wondered if this was what an out-of-body experience felt like. He then laughed hysterically, upon realizing that this entire experience - the body swap with Rude - was an out-of-body experience in itself.

Reno knew he was laughing, but he could hear no sound as he floated in the swirling green mist of the Lifestream. They were going further down, both he and Rude, and seemed to be freefalling - but slowly drifting. _Is there no such thing as gravity down here? _Reno wondered. _What the hell? _

It was becoming darker and murkier, the further they fell. A scent of flowers wafted through the mist, and reached Reno and Rude. They had now slowed to a near stop in their free-fall, and were floating in midair. Above them, the light shone brightly down upon them; as if they were underwater, and gazing up at the sunlight through the water. Yet, they were not floating in water; it was the Lifestream. Their limbs felt as heavy as if they were waterlogged; Reno suddenly began to feel drowsy, as Rude's larger body weight began to weigh him down.

"S-sleep," Reno muttered, his eyelids threatening to shut. It was strange, this sudden wave of sleepiness that was overtaking Reno; he glanced over at his partner, still trapped in a body not his own, and Rude seemed to be nodding off as well. _Peaceful down here_, Reno thought, yawning. _Could just fall asleep now...and never wake up again, _he thought stupidly.

"This is no time for sleeping, silly!" An overly chipper female voice came through the Lifestream; Reno and Rude perked their ears in the direction of the sound, although their movements felt entirely too slow to both of them; it was like moving through sludge.

"Shit, is that Aerith?" Reno grumbled. Rude groaned, trying to stretch his limbs.

"Wake up, sleepyheads!" sang the irritatingly cheerful voice.

"It _is_ Aerith," Reno muttered, rolling his eyes. "Nobody else in the Lifestream could sound that fucking happy."

"Watch it, Reno," Rude cautioned. "Don't piss her off." The two were now side by side, being pulled sideways now, to what looked like a large, flat stone, backlit by some ethereal light, from an as-yet-unseen source. _Mako_? Reno wondered idly. _Must be lit by Mako. Better not let Rufus find out there's another vein of Mako down here, he'll fucking send us down with drills next time_. The Turk grinned, but stopped grinning the moment he was released from the strange pull of the Lifestream, and tossed to the flat rock down below, along with Rude.

He coughed and stood up, dusting himself off, as Rude did the same. "You lost my sunglasses," Rude said accusingly, smacking Reno on the back of the head.

"Ow!" Reno cried out, rubbing the back of his skull. "Quit it! We're floating around in the fucking Lifestream, of course I lost your sunglasses!"

"That's the third pair now, since this body-swap happened," Rude snapped. "Not that I'm keeping track or anything."

"Yeah, well," Reno retorted, sneering. "Don't think I didn't notice that you threw away my last pack of cigarettes, yo. I know you don't _approve_ of some of my habits, but that gives you NO right to - "

"Children!" Aerith called, suddenly taking form and appearing in front of the two Turks, who stood on the flat rock, dumbfounded. The phosphorescent green mist of the Lifestream swirled just above their heads; they were somehow in a place just beyond the Lifestream.

"Are we...in between worlds, yo?" Reno asked, blinking at Aerith. "What's going on? Uh...hi, Aerith. How ya doing?" He flinched, realizing how stupid the question sounded. _She's dead, idiot. How do you think she's doing?_

"I'm fine, but I think I'm getting a headache all of a sudden, for some reason," Aerith quipped. "And, what's going on," she continued, a small smile on her face, "is that I had hoped you two had learned a lesson, but it seems you're still bickering like little kids."

"Rude's picking on me again," Reno sniveled, trying his best to look miserable.

"And Reno's being a self-centered brat," Rude remarked. "As usual."

"Will the both of you just stop it!" Aerith exclaimed, sounding uncharacteristically irritated. Reno and Rude regarded each other guiltily.

"We're sorry," Reno muttered, shamefaced. "Partner, I'm sorry I've been an asshole. You drive me nuts sometimes...but, I love you man." He grabbed Rude in a bear hug, noting how odd it was to be hugging himself. "This is fucking weird, yo," he remarked, chuckling.

Rude sighed, and patted Reno on the back, returning the hug. "I'm sorry, too. You just know how to push all the wrong buttons, Reno...but I'm sorry I punched you the other day. I shouldn't do that to my best friend."

"It's okay," Reno muttered, breaking from the hug and scratching his head. "I suppose I deserved it. And I'm sorry about the sunglasses yo. I probably should have taken them off, before Tseng made us jump in that hole." He chuckled, clapping Rude on the shoulder. "Can we call this a truce?"

"Yeah," Rude said quietly. "Truce."

"So, we've kissed and made up, Aerith," Reno remarked, arching an eyebrow at the Cetra. "Can ya switch us back now? _Please_?"

"We'll be good," Rude assured her. "Promise."

"Okay," Aerith said reluctantly. "Seeing as you _did_ apologize to each other...and without my urging, too...I suppose I can switch you back. You both need to realize how lucky you are to have each other; and, how lucky you are to have Cloud and Vincent in your lives as well."

"You know about me and Vincent?" Rude murmured, paling. Reno laughed. "Aerith sees all, yo. I never could put anything past her, not ever." He stepped forward, smiling sadly at the girl. "I miss ya, kid. So does Tseng...well damn, everyone misses you, Aerith."

Aerith grinned at Reno, and raised her staff. "I miss everyone too. But tell them not to worry, please...especially Cloud. I know he still feels bad about everything that happened. But tell him I'm okay now...so is Zack. We're safe here, and we have each other."

Reno swallowed the lump in his throat. "I'll tell him," he whispered hoarsely. "Thank you."

Rude cleared his throat, brushing feathery red bangs out of his eyes. "I'll be glad to not have hair again," he remarked, chuckling. "Aerith...sorry we were such pains in the ass to you."

"Just don't do it again, okay?" Aerith said solemnly, winking at the pair as she raised her staff, and began twirling it around in a wide arc over her head. A small whirlpool formed in the Lifestream just over the Turks' heads, and they felt themselves being lifted off of the flat rock.

"I hope to hell Vincent and Cloud haven't compared notes," Reno shouted to Rude, as they were both sucked back into the Lifestream.

"Oh gods," Rude muttered. "Let's not even go there."

* * *

><p>Cloud met Vincent at a small pub in Edge, one of the newer establishments. He was grateful the former Turk hadn't asked him to meet at Seventh Heaven. <em>Nothing against Tifa<em>, Cloud thought, but Vincent sounded weird when he called. _I don't want to be peppered with questions after, when I have no idea what's going on myself. _

Vincent was already seated in a booth when Cloud walked in, staring at a glass of red wine, swirling it in the glass as he studied it intently. He glanced up as he saw Cloud approach; the two nodded at each other in acknowledgement, as Cloud took a seat.

"You order yet?" Cloud asked, opening the menu that was left on the table.

"I ordered a platter of onion rings to start off," Vincent informed him. "Haven't ordered my burger yet."

"Okay," Cloud murmured, studying the menu. He quickly shut it as the waiter approached their table.

"Ready to order?" the waiter inquired, pen poised over a small note pad.

"I am," Vincent replied coolly. "Cloud?"

Cloud nodded. "Yeah, I'm ready."

"I'll have the prime rib burger," Vincent informed the waiter. "Make it rare. And an extra side of the sauce, and fries with that."

"I want the chipotle pepper jack burger," Cloud told the waiter, handing the menu over. "And a beer. Whatever stout you've got on tap."

"Thank you," the waiter replied, collecting the menus from the table. "Onion rings will be right out."

"Thanks," Vincent replied absently, sipping his wine. "So. Thank you for coming so quickly, Cloud. Something, as I'm sure you know, is amiss with Reno and Rude."

Cloud scratched his head dumbly and shrugged, as the waiter returned, setting a platter of onion rings in the center of the table, and a beer in front of Cloud. "Thanks," he murmured, and began immediately swigging the bottle of beer. The aroma of the onion rings was enticing; Vincent and Cloud began digging into the platter right away.

"So," Vincent said, nibbling on an onion ring. "You mentioned earlier, that when you kissed Reno good-bye, that it didn't feel like you were kissing Reno, correct?"

"Yeah," Cloud said slowly, staring at Vincent. The man was always so cool and detached, and Cloud was beginning to feel anything but; he was feeling unnerved, wondering just what was going on with their respective lovers.

"That's because," Vincent replied matter of factly, "it was not Reno you were kissing. Well - it might have appeared to be Reno's body, but Reno was not in it."

Cloud sputtered and began choking on his onion ring. He stared at Vincent, disbelieving, as he hacked and coughed violently. He grabbed his beer and slugged down several large gulps of the beverage as he continued coughing. Vincent, meanwhile, sat opposite Cloud, with an amused look on his face.

"Don't do that shit to me," Cloud muttered, once the coughing fit had passed. "Now, explain. What do you mean, Reno wasn't in his body? Then who was?"

"Rude," Vincent replied calmly.

Cloud's eyes widened, as he replayed the early morning's events over and over in his mind; particularly, the way he'd woken up Reno that morning. "I think I'm going to be sick," he muttered, feeling his stomach lurch.

"Don't upset yourself, Cloud," Vincent said, trying to sound reassuring, but he too felt a pang of guilt, realizing that in all likelihood, he'd technically made love not to Rude, but to _Reno_ earlier that morning. "Look. I'm sure...things may have transpired...earlier, when we didn't realize who was who. But now we do, so...let's move on from here."

The waiter quickly arrived with both of their sandwiches. Cloud stared at it blankly, the hunger pangs he'd had earlier had suddenly vanished with Vincent's revelation. "Vincent," Cloud hissed in a low whisper. "How did you figure this out? And how are you so...well, how are you so fucking _calm_ about this?"

Vincent chuckled, and then took a bite out of his sandwich. He chewed thoughtfully, and then washed the food down with another sip of wine. "Well," he began, smirking. "I've seen far worse things, in my many years on this Planet, than something such as this. This is nothing more than a...misunderstanding."

"I feel like I cheated on Reno!" Cloud howled miserably. He put his head in his hands and groaned. "If _you_ did anything with Reno, Vincent, I just don't want to know about it. I know what_ I_ did, and it was bad enough."

"Well, you can spare me your details as well, Cloud," Vincent said dryly. "Eat your burger. Try to calm yourself a bit, enjoy your beer, and I will try to explain what I think happened."

"Okay," Cloud said, sighing. "I'm not hungry anymore, though," he muttered, reluctantly biting into his burger.

"This whole situation, of course," Vincent said authoritatively, "smacks of Aerith having a hand in it."

"_Aerith_?" Cloud echoed, staring in disbelief at Vincent, who continued eating his sandwich as if he'd said nothing out of the ordinary. "You do know she's dead, right?"

"Aerith is a Cetra," Vincent said airily. Cloud noted with some interest that Vincent wasn't using the past tense when referring to Aerith. "That gives her powers well beyond what you and I could imagine."

"Okay, I can buy that, " Cloud muttered. "I mean...Aerith always downplayed how powerful she really was. Or maybe she didn't realize it right away. But...assuming she has the power to do something like this..._why_ would she do it?"

"Because Reno and Rude were being assholes to each other?" Vincent said shortly, chuckling. "Come on, Cloud. Don't tell me Reno hasn't been complaining about Rude a lot lately. I know that Rude, who says as little as possible about work after he's clocked out, was _full_ of complaints about Reno. Before he began acting...not like himself."

"Well," Cloud admitted, leaning back in his seat. "It did seem like they weren't getting along lately. But they've had spats before, they've always made up though."

"But not this time," Vincent interrupted. "Rude went so far as to say he was going to ask Tseng for a reassignment."

Cloud paused, mid-bite, and stared at Vincent. "He _was_?" Cloud murmured around a mouthful. "I guess I didn't realize it was that bad."

"I don't think Rude meant it," Vincent added quickly. "Not really. But he was...rather put out by Reno making cracks about our relationship."

Finishing his beer, Cloud placed the empty bottle on the table and quietly belched. "But that's just how Reno is," Cloud explained. "Not that I'm making excuses for him...I know he can push it, and he can be an asshole sometimes. I'm the first to admit that. But I really don't think he meant to be...malicious."

"I'm sure he didn't," Vincent agreed, nodding. "Rude just...took it personally. And reacted, with his fists."

"Whereas Reno usually reacts with a smartassed comment," Cloud remarked ruefully. "Well...if they've really switched, like you think they have - how do we get them back to normal?"

"I suspect that's what they're doing in Mideel," Vincent replied. He took out his phone and flipped it open, punching in a number. "I'm calling Tseng," Vincent whispered to Cloud. "I know he knows what's going on, and I'm going to call him on it. It's the only way to verify whether or not my suspicions are correct...and I know Tseng will not lie to me. Hello, Tseng? It's Vincent. I have a question for you..."

Cloud smirked, sitting back in his seat, as he waited for Vincent to finish speaking with Tseng.. He groaned inwardly as he thought again about the blowjob he'd given to Reno - or was it Rude? - earlier that morning. _But it was Reno's body! I believed it was him, inside and out, why would I think otherwise! How was I supposed to know? _

"This is going to be so awkward," Cloud muttered, already dreading having to look Reno in the eye - chances are he and Rude had already exchanged stories and compared notes. _He'll know. He'll know I betrayed him...unwittingly, but I did._

"What's going to be awkward, Cloud?" Vincent asked, flipping his phone shut.

"Just...oh, gods," Cloud muttered. "What...wait, how am I going to explain this to Reno?" He sighed in frustration, as he took his wallet out, throwing a couple of ten gil notes on top of the dining bill.

"You don't have to explain anything to him," Vincent retorted. "If anything, Reno is the one who should be explaining what he was doing jerking off in a body not his own." The ex-Turk blanched and paused, suddenly seeming to realize he'd said too much. "I mean, ah...nevermind all that, Cloud. Anyway, I just spoke with Tseng," he said, trying to change the subject. He confirmed my suspicions, and as such, they are in Mideel, trying to - "

"Oh, that's just fucking _great_, Vincent," Cloud interrupted, frowning. "So, you were right after all. Gods. And what's this about Reno jerking off? You mean to tell me..." he continued, realization dawning, "that Reno...jerked himself off, even though he was in Rude's body?" The blond laughed in spite of himself. "Well, that doesn't surprise me, really. Wonder what else he did while he was in Rude's body."

Crimson eyes met Mako blue ones in a knowing, horrified stare. "We will not speak of this any further, Cloud," Vincent hissed. "Before it gets any more complicated than it already is. You and I, when we see Reno and Rude again, we know nothing. Unless they volunteer the information themselves. Is that understood?"

"So," Cloud said wearily, as they got up from the table. "You think we should just play dumb."

"Precisely," Vincent replied, ushering Cloud toward the door. "Tseng reports that they will be leaving Mideel shortly, and he and Elena will deposit Reno and Rude at your apartment. I will be there in several hours' time, to collect Rude."

Cloud got on Fenrir, then turned to stare at Vincent before pulling his goggles down. "Hey, Vincent?" Cloud called to him. "Why'd you bother sharing all of this with me, in the first place, if we're not going to say anything? I think I would rather be in the dark, you know," he complained.

"Misery loves company," Vincent threw over his shoulder, as he swirled his cloak around him, and in the blink of an eye - was gone.

"What the hell did he just say?" Cloud muttered to nobody in particular, unheard over the roar of Fenrir's engine. Sighing, and setting his jaw, Cloud decided to head home and simply wait there for everyone to show up. _As much as I want everything to be put right,_ Cloud thought worriedly, _I am not looking forward to this._

* * *

><p>As Reno and Rude were sucked up out of the crater they'd been in, back up through a vortex of Lifestream, each of them felt an intense pulling sensation, accompanied by an uncomfortable heat; almost a feverish feeling. Reno pitched and swayed as he rode the wave of Lifetstream upward, his vision going blurry. His head slammed back, then forward again, disorienting him. He caught a sideways glance at Rude, and saw that his partner was suffering the same fate. <em>Why couldn't the kid just wave her magic fucking wand, instead of torturing us like this?<em> Reno wondered. _For fuck's sake, we woke up as each other after a good night's sleep. I was hoping for a goddamned nap, at least. _

Reno felt himself riding high, as if floating upon a wave; opening his eyes, he saw the ground come rushing up at him, and his forehead smacked the hard earth with a thud. He felt a small burning sensation; he knew he'd more than likely gotten a small abrasion on his forehead. Laying on his side, he looked down at his hands. The fingers were long and graceful; the hands and arms attached to those hands were lean and well-muscled. Hesitantly, Reno reached a hand up to the top of his head. Hair! he thought joyfully, as he felt around.

"My fucking hair! I have hair again! Oh fuck yeah!" Reno crowed. He looked up to see Tseng and Elena peering down curiously at him. Elena grinned. "The Lifestream just spit you back out, Reno," she informed him. "Guess you didn't taste good." She tittered at her own silly joke, while Tseng smiled indulgently.

"Shove it, Laney," Reno retorted, grinning. "I'm _me_ again, woo hoo! Where is Rude, yo? Where is he?" Reno demanded, trying to sit up. "Ow," he moaned, touching the back of his head. "Dizzy."

"Not so fast, Reno," Tseng cautioned him. "Rude is fine. He's a bit dizzy as well, since coming through the Lifestream. He's right over there," Tseng told Reno, sitting him up slightly to point over at Rude, who was sitting several feet away, looking dazed.

"Partner!" Reno crowed happily. "Damn, am I glad to see you. And I'm glad that you are _you_, yo. Boss?" Reno said, turning to Tseng. "Aerith...we saw her," he said glumly. "She misses everyone...and wants me to tell Cloud everything is okay."

"I'm glad to hear it," Tseng said quietly, a strange, sad smile on his face. _Lovely, lovely Aerith_, he thought. _Thank you, my dear Cetra. _

Tseng cleared his throat and addressed both Reno and Rude. "Here is the plan," he began. "Once you are both feeling well enough to fly, Elena and I will pilot you back home. I'll be depositing the both of you at Reno's apartment. Rude, I've spoken with Vincent; he will pick you up at Cloud and Reno's place."

"He makes it sound like he's bringing us to the kennel, yo," Reno complained to Rude, grimacing as he tried to stand.

"Well, I hope you're up to date on all your shots, Reno," Rude quipped, grinning.

"Oh, shove it up your ass, Rude!" Reno said cheerfully, wobbling a bit as he tried to stand._ Damned glad to have my gangly chicken legs back_, Reno thought happily, jumping up and down to test them out. "And I'll buy you a new damned pair of sunglasses, yo. I'm sorry about those."

"I was thinking," Rude said, facing Reno and poking at the goggles perched atop his partner's head, "that I might just start wearing these, instead, like you do."

"Really?" Reno said incredulously.

"No," Rude replied, smirking. "Not really." The two partners snickered as they slowly gimped back toward the helicopter, Elena and Tseng following behind them.

"Think they learned their lesson, boss?" Elena asked Tseng quietly.

"Gods, I hope so," Tseng groaned. "If that didn't set them straight...then Gaia only knows what will."

* * *

><p>Cloud paced nervously in his living room, while Vincent was the picture of perfect calm; seated on Cloud's couch, legs crossed, a glass of wine in his hand as if he hadn't a care in the world.<p>

"You need to relax, damn it," Vincent told Cloud firmly. "You're pacing like a Dragon Zombie, for Gaia's sake. Don't make me have to use Tranquilizer on you," he threatened, "because I _will _do it."

"Okay!" Cloud replied, exasperated. "I just...feel self-conscious. I'm trying not to, but I feel...guilty."

"You have nothing to feel guilty for," Vincent replied calmly. "As we said before. If anything happened between you and Rude...I absolve you. I would hope you'd do likewise for me."

Cloud turned to face Vincent, narrowing his eyes at the unflappable former Turk. "Why do you say that, Vincent?" Cloud said suspiciously. "Did you sleep with him?"

"Things did get heated," Vincent admitted, staring at Cloud. "But I refuse to go into detail beyond that, Cloud. Just as I do not want to know any details of what may have transpired between you and Rude."

"Fair enough," Cloud replied, shrugging. "Although, reading between the lines, I don't like the way that sounds, Vincent."

"Then don't _read_ between the lines," Vincent rejoined. "Ah, they're here," he remarked, hearing a car drive up. "Thank Gaia."

As Cloud got up to answer the door, Vincent whispered to him. "Act natural!" he instructed Cloud. "Don't act like you missed him. You know, more than you normally would."

Cloud nodded silently as he opened the door. Vincent's fears were unfounded, as Cloud didn't have a chance to pounce upon Reno; the redheaded Turk practically fell into Cloud's arms as the door opened.

"Oh, Cloud!" Reno exclaimed, nuzzling and kissing his lover's neck. "I, uh...I'm so glad to see you."

"Reno?" Cloud said quizzically, trying to sound as casual as possible, feigning ignorance of the whole situation. "I just saw you this morning. Rough day in the field? Was that Tseng who dropped you off? Hey, Rude," Cloud said, greeting the bald Turk who was standing behind him.

"Hi, Cloud," Rude said quietly. He caught Vincent's crimson gaze, and walked over to the sofa, taking a seat next to Vincent. "So," he said softly. "I know you know, Vin." Rude coughed uncomfortably, as Vincent grinned at him.

"Very perceptive, my love," Vincent purred. "And...I told Cloud what I suspected, which in hindsight, was probably a mistake, because now he's more nervous than a chocobo in a pit full of Midgar Zoloms."

Rude chuckled softly. "So...Reno's the only one in the dark then? He doesn't know that you and Cloud know about the switch?"

"That appears to be the case," Vincent replied. "Let's go home, Rude. I'd like to welcome you back _properly_," he said, winking at the bald Turk.

"Sounds good," Rude replied, smiling. "Vin? One thing..." he said, dropping his voice to a whisper. "Look...I know how you are first thing in the morning...so if anything happened between you and Reno...just don't tell me. I don't want to know. It wasn't anyone's fault, you know?"

"I agree wholeheartedly," Vincent said, kissing Rude. "Let's go." No sooner had they made to leave, than Reno came over to interrupt them.

"Partner? Before you go, just a word," Reno pleaded. "It'll only take a minute, Vincent," he assured him.

"Fine," Vincent nodded, as the two Turks headed out to the balcony off of the kitchen. Reno ushered Rude through the sliding glass door, and shut it again, once they were outside. Whatever it was, Vincent observed, Reno did _not_ want to be overheard.

"Cloud," Vincent said in a low voice, addressing the blond. "You...didn't say anything to Reno just now, did you?"

"No!" Cloud exclaimed, shaking his head vehemently. "I said I wouldn't! Why?"

"I just...wonder what Reno needs to discuss with Rude out there," Vincent remarked, nodding toward the balcony, where the two Turks were talking, their heads bent close together.

"I don't know, and I probably don't want to know," Cloud said with a groan, rolling his eyes. "I think I'm going to go with your 'ignorance is bliss' philosophy, Vincent."

"A wise move, Cloud," Vincent murmured. "Have any more of that wine? Looks like they might be out there a while," he observed, nodding toward the balcony. Cloud sighed as he followed Vincent's gaze out the windowed door. Indeed, Reno and Rude had their heads bowed together, and Reno's expression was serious.

"You know, Reno's smart. And I swear to you, I didn't say anything, but I bet he knows," Cloud commented, uncorking another bottle of merlot, and just handing the entire thing to Vincent. "Oh, take the whole thing, Vin. We'll pass it back and forth." Vincent chuckled at this, and began drinking, taking a swig out of the long-necked bottle.

"Well, this will be an interesting evening for the both of us then, won't it, Cloud?" Vincent said, smirking, while Cloud groaned.

"Give me that wine, Vincent," he demanded, reaching for the bottle.

Outside, in the chilly air on the balcony, Reno was whispering to Rude, even though there was no real need – they were outside, and the sliding doors were shut.

"Dude, I'm telling you – I think Cloud _knows_, yo!" Reno was hissing at Rude.

"Stop whispering," Rude told him, amused. "What makes you think so? Did Cloud…say anything to you?"

"No, but Cloud is a terrible liar, and he wears his emotion – or sometimes, his lack thereof – on his face. You know I'm a good profiler, Rude," Reno pressed.

"One of the best I know," Rude said in agreement. "So? What are you going to do about it? How do you want to bring this up? Oh," he added. "By the way….Vincent knows." As he saw Reno's face fall, Rude regretted blurting that bit of news out. "Shit. Sorry. I probably shouldn't have told you that – "

"Well fuck, man!" Reno shouted, running his fingers through his hair, making it stick up wildly. "If Vincent figured shit out, you _know_ he shared those suspicions with Cloud, yo."

"So, for argument's sake…let's say that Cloud does know," Rude said calmly. "You going to say anything to him about it?"

"Fuck no!" Reno yelped. "I mean, for example...I know how Cloud wakes me up every morning – oh, don't even _look_ at me like that Rude, I know what probably happened between the two of you!"

"Ahem. You're, ah…a lucky man, Reno," Rude said dryly, giving a small cough.

"Oh fuck me running," Reno moaned. He felt around his jacket pockets for his cigarettes, and found nothing there, since Rude had unceremoniously thrown them into an open sewer when he was angry with Reno.

"I forgot. No ciggies," he complained with a sigh. "Damn it, Rude! They figured this shit out, the both of them. I know they did. You know what we need?"

"I have no idea," Rude said with a wry smirk, but I'm sure you're about to tell me."

"We need dumber boyfriends," Reno replied simply, turning the lock for the sliding door, and opening it to head back into the apartment.

Rude groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger as he shook his head. "Only you, Reno," he muttered, smirking. "Only you." Rude followed Reno back into the apartment, and gave Vincent a pointed glance, just as the former Turk was mid-swig with the wine bottle again.

"We should get going," he said to Vincent. Nodding, Vincent handed the bottle of red back to Cloud, and waved good-bye. "Have a good evening, you two," Vincent murmured, smiling.

"Later, yo," Reno called to the pair as they left.

"Did you see that, Cloud?" Reno hissed, just as the door closed behind Rude and Vincent. "What was that look for, from Vincent?"

"What look?" Cloud demanded, rolling his eyes. "What the hell are you talking about? I think you're paranoid, Reno."

"Cloud, you are a horrible bullshitter, you know," Reno informed him airily. "I know these things, as I'm a professional."

"A professional bullshitter?" Cloud quipped, grinning.

"No – oh, shut _up_, Cloud!" Reno protested. "No, what I meant was – I can read it all over your face, yo. You're trying to make it look like everything's fine, but I can tell that you _know_, Cloud."

Cloud sighed. "Well…there's no sense keeping up the act, anymore. And it's pretty obvious you're _you_ again," he remarked.

"Why's that?" Reno asked absently, taking a seat on the couch next to Cloud. He curled an arm around the blonde's shoulders, and sighed contentedly. "Well, all is right with the world now, yo. I'm back where I belong."

"I think I knew something was wrong – although I didn't know what – because you were so quiet," Cloud remarked.

"You must have enjoyed that," Reno teased. "You're always saying I talk too damned much, yo."

"But if you didn't talk that much, you wouldn't be _you_," Cloud said, kissing Reno lightly on the lips. "Welcome home, Reno."

"Good to be home, babe," Reno murmured, kissing Cloud on the cheek. "Good to be home."


End file.
